i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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