apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
