sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
