Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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