Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
