If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
