everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
