I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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