Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We need to rekindle our bromance
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
