I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
