I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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