my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
false alarm, still single
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