Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
