This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
