someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
