my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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