Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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