If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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