I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize