I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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