just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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