I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
so much tequila, so little girl.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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