Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
