dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
