sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
