i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
