my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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