But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Say something about gay babies.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
