saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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