it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
