i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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