I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
