I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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