I am in a vortex of obligation.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
