I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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