She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
