I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
