Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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