What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
