oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
