yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
