i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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