mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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