She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
