Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
