i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
