No stitches, just platelets and will power
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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