You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
