i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
