Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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