One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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