if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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