Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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